Finding Your Purpose

What are you here for? 

Finding your purpose can be confusing and mystifying. But, when you connect your ability, passion, and interests, with what the world needs, you will begin to engage with life at a higher level that is deeply soul-satisfying and fulfilling. 

Nailing that sweet spot where your passion, abilities, and personality overlaps with what the world needs can feel like a giant puzzle to piece together! It often feels like you only get one puzzle piece at a time and no one gave you a picture of what the final image is supposed to look like. 

The Japanese call this sweet spot in the middle “Ikigai,” where your passion, natural ability, and interests overlap in service to others. Ikigai literally means “your reason for living”. If you are still alive there is still a Purpose for your life, even if you are retired from what was your career. 

The way to check and see if you are in that sweet spot, at the center of your Purpose, is to ask yourself these questions: 

• What do you love to do? 

• What comes easily to you?

• What are you good at?

• What do people ask you for help with?

• What are you afraid of?

• What Injustice bothers You?

• Who do you admire and follow on social media?

• What would you do if you knew you were going to die in 3 months?

• What would the world look like if it were operating perfectly according to you? 

In my perfect world, everyone is happy, healthy, whole, and enjoying their life to the full. I enjoy teaching and equipping people with the tools to become the best version of themselves to enjoy their best lives. People ask me to share my tools and I am happy to do so. I find deep satisfaction from helping others enjoy their life to the fullest. 

If you’ve asked yourself all of those questions and your purpose still feels fuzzy here’s one last question to ask yourself: What is that thing that you think about all the time, but you don’t talk about it publicly yet because you’re still processing it? That could be a clue into your Purpose.

Purpose is not the reason we do something, it is the specific thing that we do. Passion, on the other hand, is the reason why we do what we do. If you don’t have any passion for what you are doing then you won’t stick with it for very long. 

In middle school, I played the flute. I was very talented at playing the flute and it came to me naturally, but I did not enjoy playing the flute. Another girl I knew at church also played the flute. She was less naturally gifted than I, but because she enjoyed it more than I did she practiced more than me. And in time she became a much better flute player than I. My mom was disappointed when I told her I wanted to sell my flute to buy a skateboard. She pointed out that I had much more natural ability and potential than the other girl. But, without any passion, I knew I was never going anywhere with it. So I sold the flute and got a skateboard instead and it was a lot more fun. 

Passion is what gives us endurance. Passion is what makes the journey feel like a pleasure. Passion is what enables us to keep going when things become challenging.

To determine your Passion ask yourself these questions:

• What makes you light up? 

• What are the things you truly care about? 

• Do you feel energized by what you are doing or do you feel drained by it? 

• Do you feel a sense of “flow” where you lose all track of time? 

• Or are you stressed out and counting down every last second on the clock? 

• What energizes you and leaves you feeling fully engaged and fully alive?  

• What would you do if money were not a factor?

My mom taught kindergarten. She loved working with 5-year olds so much that even just strolling through the shopping mall she would light up like a Christmas tree at the sight of a five-year-old that she didn’t even know! She used to claim that all the kindergarten activities we did at home were for the kids or grandkids, but once us kids were all too old and we were still doing puppet shows, crafts with paper plates, and eating pear bunnies with googly eyes and almond ears, it became apparent that my mom just loves kindergarten!

What makes you light up like that? What does your ideal life look and feel like when it’s in sync with your Purpose? When my life is ideal, I am loving, serving, and adding value to the lives of others. That feels deeply soul-satisfying and fulfilling. Even when I am spent, I still feel energized by what I am doing. 

On vacation, I started reading a book called Resilience, Hard-Won Wisdom For Living A Better Life by Eric Greitens. This book documents a series of emails between Greitens, who is a former Navy SEAL, and another one of his former Navy colleagues. Throughout the book, which I haven’t finished reading yet, they discuss why Vets often struggle to flourish after active duty. During their deployment, Vets enjoy a close-knit community and have a deep sense of purpose, but after they return home, although happy to see their family, sleep in their own bed, enjoy a cold beer, and play with their kids again, civilian life eventually begins to feel meaningless. Greitens asserts that resilience, and having a sense of purpose, are the way to a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. 

We all want that!
But, how do you find your Purpose? 

Author Joseph Campbell says, “If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living.”

You were born with an inner guidance system that acts much like the GPS in your car or on your phone. First, the GPS determines where you are currently. Then you tell it where you want to go and it gives you instructions on how to get there. To find your purpose listen to your inner GPS and pay attention to the feedback loop between your heart and your gut. To follow your bliss, make a list of all the times you’ve felt the most joy in your life. Then, look for any patterns of all the times you’ve felt joy in the service to others. This is a clue about your Life Purpose. Joy is part of your internal guidance system telling you when you are on course. Noticing the things that bring you the greatest amount of joy and pursuing that further will help you get into alignment with your purpose. 

Some jobs are a good source of income but not all that fulfilling. Your day job may enable you the financial freedom so you can volunteer with a cause that you deeply believe in. Or, you may want to change jobs and find a more fulfilling career. You can choose how you mix and match to create a meaningful life. But, if you are depressed that is one sign that you are out of alignment with your Purpose and you need to make an adjustment. 

In one season your purpose may be tied into your career, but not necessarily. Your Purpose could be to become the best mom or dad you can be. Or to love the people around you and create a spiritual family, or to take care of your aging parents. If you are miserable as a stay at home parent, it may be to focus primarily on career and hire out the child care. I knew a girl who felt pressured by the religious culture to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom, but she was so miserable doing it that she drank heavily and died very young. To fulfill your purpose you may need to disappoint some people and break free of other people’s expectations.

Of course, there will be challenges, whatever you choose to do, so you’ll want to lean your ladder on the wall that leads to the most joy. You don’t want to be successful at climbing the wrong wall. If the path you are on begins to harm you or there is no joy, then you need to correct your course. Jim Carey says, "Depression is your body saying, 'I don't want to be this character anymore. I don't want to hold up this avatar that you've created in the world." 

If your career is unfulfilling you can always find ways outside of work that will allow you to operate within your Purpose. It could be to volunteer somewhere or become more actively involved in your community. If there’s one habit to focus on to help you find your Purpose, it is helping others. Purpose is not just about us. Purpose is what we do in the service for others. It’s what you can do to make the world a little bit better for everyone else too. 

Research has found that happiness and meaningfulness overlap, but are slightly different. Happiness is linked to being a taker before a giver. Meaningfulness is more about being a giver than a taker. Being a giver in life creates a more fulfilling life. When you lack purpose you feel unfulfilled. But, that feeling- that something is missing, fades as you lean into your Purpose. Your purpose may not be just one huge thing. It may be a combination of things that evolve and change throughout the various seasons of your life.

If Purpose is the what, and passion is the why, then your abilities, talents and natural gifting are the how. Joanna Gains says, “I truly believe that each human carries a gift - amazing gifts and talents - and we are all carriers of something greater than ourselves. And, when we walk in the fullness of who we are, and we’re not letting insecurity and self-doubt, and all that stuff hinder us, it’s the most beautiful thing.” 

What are your unique talents, gifts, and abilities? What are you naturally good at? These gifts give you a clue as to what you’re supposed to be doing. Of course, it takes effort and hard work to develop the skills that may be needed. Even the most talented baseball player still has to practice. But, there are just some things that will come naturally to you. These are a clue to your Purpose. You may need to get the required education, training, or certificates to practice within a particular field, but what you are gifted to do comes naturally with ease and you enjoy the process of learning, developing, and honing these skills. If you focus on the abilities you are naturally bent toward, you can develop any skills necessary to excel in your Purpose. If you can lean into your natural wiring you will not only excel, but you will enjoy also the journey. As you give of yourself, it will boomerang back to you with increased joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment.  

If you don’t know yet what you want to do in life, just get started somewhere. You don’t need to completely overhaul your life overnight. Just take one small step at a time and lean into the process. Otherwise, you’re going to miss it. But if you step out in faith and are making strides forward, listen to your heart, follow your bliss, and let joy be your guide. If you’re sitting around waiting for the perfect scenario before you get started, then you will miss it. Passion plus action creates a Purposeful Life. When you find your purpose, you will feel fully alive. And, what the world needs most is more people who are fully alive!

If you’d like individual coaching to help you figure out the puzzle pieces to your Purpose, message me HERE. I’d be happy to help you sort through the pieces to your puzzle and create an action plan to help you find your purpose. 

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10 Ways to Elevate

Feeling like you need a little LIFT after the holidays?

To deal with the everyday stressors of life in a balanced way we need to maintain a healthy lifestyle that will release more feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin. These chemicals help us to relax and enable us to deal with difficult people, challenges at work, conflicts in relationships, traffic jams, etc.

Ongoing stress activates the fight-or-flight response in our nervous system. This produces cortisol and other stress hormones. That's great if you are being chased by a cougar and need a quick burst of adrenaline to leap over a fence and escape. But, on a day-to-day basis, it is not good to continually overproduce high levels of cortisol. Too much cortisol can disrupt our body's processes and systems. It can make us moody, agitated, depressed, or short-tempered, among other things.

The Mayo Clinic explains it like this: "Your brain comes hardwired with an alarm system for your protection. When your brain perceives a threat, your body releases a burst of hormones to fuel your fight-or-flight response. When the threat is gone, your body returns to normal. Unfortunately, the nonstop stress of modern life means your alarm system rarely shuts off."

So how do we compensate?

10 WAYS TO ELEVATE

• Get plenty of sleep - at least 7 hours each night.
• Decrease processed foods and refined sugars, increase plants and probiotics.
• Exercise 30 minutes/day to get the heart rate up.
• Practice relaxation techniques such as breathwork, mindfulness, & meditation.
• Unplug and spend time in nature.
• Cultivate your faith and renew your mind.
• Take time for hobbies such as reading a book or listening to music.
• Spend time with good friends and in healthy community.
• Smile and laugh - - even when there are no jokes!
• Give, serve, & volunteer.

The rewards for ELEVATING your nervous system's chemistry are increased peace, added patience, better health, and a longer, happier, more JOY filled life! 

Need help integrating some of these healthy habits into your daily routine? The 2020 Vision Planner is chock full of science-backed prompts to help you cast a vision and stay on track all year. You can grab it on Amazon.

Wishing you much joy, health, and happiness! XO Doreen THE 2020 VISION PLANNER

BOUNCE

Resilience is the ability to BOUNCE back from trauma, failure, setbacks, or disappointments. It’s mental toughness to endure in the face of enormous challenges. Resilience is the grit and glue that enables us to hold on and press in when others with less mental fortitude would fold up or cave in. So, how do we BOUNCE?

In the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, author and psychologist Viktor Frankl details his harrowing experience while interned in a Nazi concentration camp. Frankl turned his imprisonment into a case study. He researched what caused some fellow detainees to grab onto the electric fence and commit suicide while others who were more resilient grabbed onto hope instead. He discovered that one’s motivation to act stems from their own definition of life’s meaning.

There is a success formula that increases resilience: E+R=O.

“E” stands for the “events” that happen in our lives. We often have little control over many things that occur in our environment. Some things are pleasant; others are tragic and painful. Either way, some things are just beyond our control.

“R” stands for our “response” to the events. We can determine the course of our own lives by how we respond to the things that happen that we can’t control. Resilient people focus on those things they can control. Things like thoughts, beliefs, values, dreams, goals, choices, and habits.

“O” stands for the “outcome” that is created as a result of the events combined with our response. The outcomes we experience are the sum total of how we choose to respond to the events in our lives. We can learn from the past as a lesson, but other than that, we just have to keep going.

Resilient people focus on where they are going more than where they have been. They don’t let the past limit their future. And, they don’t wait for their circumstances to align before they begin to enjoy life. Owning our response leads to personal freedom, success, fulfillment, health, and happiness.

Thankfully, we are not born with a fixed amount of resilience. It’s like a muscle that can be built and strengthened. One of the most valuable tools for developing resilience is a positive mental attitude. Resilient people view difficulties as challenges instead of obstacles. They see failures as opportunities for growth and mistakes are viewed as lessons to be learned.

BOUNCE is a choice and there is a process. We choose our thoughts. And, our thoughts become our beliefs. Our beliefs determine our attitudes. Our attitudes affect our decisions. And, our decisions make our lives. Each of us has the power to decide what kind of person we will be.

We can even redesign our personality and rewrite our history. Memories are often more fiction than actual facts. And, we are the author who holds both the pencil and the eraser. We decide which facts are important to us and which facts are not. We can rewrite the past, as well as create our own future, by how we frame things up, similar to a Choose Your Own Adventure story. Whatever we focus on expands.

If we wait for everything to straighten out before we allow ourselves to enjoy life, we might spend our whole lives waiting. Instead, we can train our minds to enjoy the life we currently have regardless of our circumstances.

I have a friend who was diagnosed with colon cancer in his thirties, not once but twice. Too sick to play with his three-year-old daughter, or care for his newborn baby, he lay on the couch watching movies as he contemplated his own epitaph. Then, a line from The Shawshank Redemption changed the course of his life forever: “Get busy living or get busy dying.” Sick as he was, he dragged himself off the couch and began to play ball with his daughter. That was the beginning of his turnaround. He fully recovered and now counsels others who have the same rare form of cancer. Now he probably has the most joie de verve of anyone I’ve ever met!

I was also diagnosed with a life-threatening form of skin cancer in my thirties while raising a young daughter. One of my life mottos became: “I don’t need to get sick to start living.” Now I hardly ever even catch a cold. This is just one of the many ways I have had to BOUNCE.

Healthy self-talk resets the mindset and liberates us from limiting beliefs. Sometimes the biggest bully is the one in our own head. We beat ourselves up and we say things to ourselves that we would never say to our friends. We need to talk to ourselves the same way, with compassion and kindness, like we would to our friends.

They say teens today are more anxious, depressed, suicidal, fragile, and less resilient than previous generations. If you are a parent, you can teach your kids resilience by teaching them how to be aware of their thoughts. Whenever they find themselves thinking critical thoughts toward themselves they can record over it with kind words instead.

Resilient people cultivate joy independent of any outside circumstances. When faced with adversity we all have a choice: will we complain and remain… or will we BOUNCE?

I HOPE YOU BOUNCE!

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